Church Press Conference — Belichick Style

Bill BelichickBill Belichick press conferences have quickly become my favorite thing about football in New England. His gruff, non-answer Q & A sessions with the media are  comically absurd. “It is what it is” covers everything from next week’s opponent to Tim Tebow to defensive coverages to Aaron Hernandez. In other words, Belichick (a Hingham resident I might add) has perfected the art of saying nothing by saying something. Not that clergy could every be accused of that

Anyway, it made me wonder what would happen if clergy took a Belichickian approach to coffee hour. Here’s what I came up with using (more or less) actual Bill Belichick press conference answers:

Q: What happened with the acolytes at the gospel procession? Are you actively recruiting new ones?
A: I’m only talking about the personnel we have. Anything else is speculation

Q: The readings appointed for today seemed to give you some trouble. Are you looking forward to next week’s lessons?
A:  I don’t decide what the readings are. I’m not going to comment on something I don’t have control over.

Q: Are you disappointed by the lack of munchkins at coffee hour?
A: Are munchkins mentioned in the Bible?

Q: Is the vestry excited about the new adult education program?
A: You’d have to ask them about that.

Q: The new Sunday School curriculum looks really engaging. Are you excited about it?
A: We’ll see how it goes.

Q: Did you know there are weeds growing in the church yard?
A: I’m responsible for every aspect of church life.

Q: Do you really think adding another service on Sunday morning is going to work?
A: We just try to do what’s in the best interest of the parish.

Q: Did you notice attendance is down this year?
A: It is what it is.

Okay, back to post-church football watching.  Love this time of year!


3 Comments on “Church Press Conference — Belichick Style”

  1. aleathia (Dolores) nicholson says:

    Do you like the 2014 Golden Halo winner mugs? (Do you remember who the winner was?); Do you and Fr. Gunn really get along? (We try to do what’s best for LENT MADNESS.). Do some of these comments become a little much to swallow? (The rain falls on the just and the unjust.) The House of Bishops conference is meeting in Nashville at this very moment. ( See the prior answer and be thankful for small gifts). Would Belichick approve of my attempt to emulate him? ( You’d have to ask him about that.) What about you? ( The rain…etc….etc.)

  2. Walda Summers says:

    enjoy all the games, Fr.Tim!

  3. Livy says:

    Thanks for all the smiles….


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s