Carbo Un-LoadingPosted: June 13, 2011
Bryna has decided to go on a no carb diet for a while and, always up for a physical challenge, I stupidly decided to join her. It’s not like she has a ton of weight to lose (and for the record I would never deign to even broach such a subject for fear of self-incrimination). But she wants to shed a bit of her so-called “wrist weight” — the few extra pounds she gained after breaking both wrists in what I refer to as “The Winter of Our Discontent.”
You see, people around here were great. They delivered meals, they helped out with groceries and light housekeeping, they hung out with Bryna to keep her sane. But two months of being sedentary paired with death by chicken casserole takes its toll. And with swimsuit season nigh upon us you can figure out the rest.
Throw in a weekend visit from Lori and Sharon, two of her friends from high school, and that was the icing on the cake (which, of course I can’t eat). After a couple of days of carbs and tequila (not necessarily in that order), they came up with a plan to go in together on a no carb diet. Well, at least Sharon and Bryna did. Lori would fade away without carbs — this is the same woman who packed her bikini only to be disappointed by the 50 degree weather. Welcome to June on the South Shore.
Miraculously this plan was hatched while eating bagels (more carbs!) over brunch. So last Sunday evening began the great carbo un-loading. And it’s been hell ever since. As I write this, I’m hungry. I’ve been hungry a lot this week. And if I eat one more carrot stick I swear I’ll have to celebrate next year’s Easter Vigil dressed as the Easter Bunny. Which would make a bit of sense because this whole thing feels like a carrot and a stick scenario. I feel like I’ve been hit with a stick and my only reward is yet another carrot.
If I survive the detox period we’ll presumably move to a low carb diet rather than a no carb diet. Because I can’t take much more of this. If you don’t see me next week, just assume I’ve gone on a week-long carb bender in the North End. In the meantime, I’ll be the one trying to eat a hamburger between two slices of onion in lieu of a bun as I did this week. NOT a succesful experience.