Gnatty Dread

gnat006_4caaThis afternoon I found a dead gnat swimming in the coffee mug on my desk. This was tragic for the gnat, no doubt, but it also briefly interrupted my caffeine intake. And that has serious ramifications for an entire community of faith. There is no word yet on whether said gnat committed suicide by java or was pushed. When I found the body, I immediately contacted the authorities (by posting the event on Facebook). I have an alibi as I had temporarily left my office to speak with my Parish Administrator. She can vouch for me (or she’ll be fired).

In the ensuing moments I did my Christian and priestly duty by administering last rites and conducting an e-funeral. The Rev. Scott Gunn of Rhode Island gave a touching eulogy via his iPhone. The text is here:

“It was a good gnat, beloved by all. Active early on as a gnatolyte, then later on in the gnat choir. Most recently, she’d been in the gnat’s home. Survived by 300 sons and daughters, she lived life to the fullest for her four months.”
Thank you to Father Gunn for taking time out of his busy schedule to offer us all a word of comfort amidst our grief. Memorial contributions in loving memory of our dearly departed gnat may be made to either one of our discretionary funds (pick me). A reception will be held in the Parish Hall later today. GNatty Boh beer will be served.

One Comment on “Gnatty Dread”

  1. Gnaturally hilarious.

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