Shred Fest

shredderBryna bought herself a shredder recently. I’m not really sure why and I have yet to see her shred anything. But there it sits underneath her desk. When questioned about the purchase she mumbles something about credit card numbers and identify theft. Even in this economy, I’d like to meet the fool who wants to steal the identity of a clergy family.

But having a shredder in the house does make me ponder what I might be able to shred. In the same way owning a chainsaw would make me ponder what I could saw through. Of course since Bryna won’t let me purchase a chainsaw, there’s clearly a double standard at work.

I don’t have any confidential documents that I’m aware of. I guess I could shred a dollar bill just to see what it looks like. If my mom had one of these when I was a kid I could have shredded that report card where I got a D in shop.

I will admit it’s kind of comforting having a shredder in the house. Just knowing that at any given moment I could destroy one of the boys’ corrected spelling tests gives me a sense of power. And I associate the shredder with other household items I want:  a wall safe hidden behind a picture — like in Magnum PI. A fake book case that goes into a secret passageway — like in Scooby-Do.

I should probably talk about the shredder in a sermon sometime; it would make a great pulpit prop. I’d ask people to write down their sins on pieces of paper and then shred them all. Making the point about God’s grace and forgiveness. 

But in the meantime I’ll keep my eyes open for something to shred. And I’m also going to be a bit more wary of Bryna — for all I know she has a secret double-life as an international spy.


8 Comments on “Shred Fest”

  1. Fr. Patrick says:

    You actually know the TV show Magnum PI? But do you know where Tom Selleck first played a PI- on what tv show? Coffee for you if you do.

  2. Father Tim says:

    The Honeymooners?

  3. Fr Patrick says:


  4. Father Tim says:

    That’s my best guess. I figured it was of your “era.”

  5. Bill says:

    but is it a cross-cut shredder. If it’s not, the whole privacy thing is down the toilet.

    And why not steal a clergy family’s identity? Does God protect y’all better than the rest of us lay putzes?

    FYI – Selleck played Lance White, PI on 2 episodes of the Rockford Files. Now go get your cup of coffee.

  6. Father Tim says:

    Well, anyone’s welcome to my identity as long as they’re willing to preach for me. And take a pay cut.

    The only other thing I’ve seen Tom Selleck in was a few episodes of Friends as Monica’s boyfriend. I guess that dates me.

  7. Fr. Patrick says:

    Lance White on Rockford Files is correct so Bill you get the coffee not Fr. Tim

  8. Father Tim says:

    Drat! I mean enjoy your coffee Bill and hold out for one of those fancy (expensive) coffee drinks.

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