Christmas Massacre

christmas-massacreI took this picture in a daring drive-by in my neighborhood this afternoon. Sorry to sound cranky this time of year but I can’t stand these inflatable lawn ornaments. The worst? That Frosty snow globe one. I much prefer them in a state of deflation. It looks like some sort of Christmas massacre in which Frosty, Yuletide Shrek, and Rudolph go down in a hail of BB’s.

While I’ve fantasized about purchasing an air gun and personally going out on a raid, I’ve so far refrained. I can just imagine the headline in the paper: “Local Priest Goes on Holiday Rampage.” The maxim “all press is good press” has its limits. So I’ll keep my dastardly thoughts to myself and imagine the damage I might have done whenever I see one of these deflated scenes.

Now back to more holy thoughts — I’ve got some sermons to write!


5 Comments on “Christmas Massacre”

  1. Wow, you too?!? I’ve fantasized about running through neighborhoods with an Exacto knife and puncturing those things. Want to meet up some time?

  2. Father Tim says:

    Yeah, let’s start a gang! The Advent Slashers.

  3. Mary Cox says:

    The Advent Slashers would not know where to begin in South Florida. Lacking snow–or even cold weather–to make them feel “Christmassy,” people here tend to go totally hog-wild with their seasonal outdoor decor. There’s a house we pass on our way to Midnight Mass that for years had inflatable Power Rangers, along with several large plastic Santas, a large lighted plastic creche, plastic candy canes down the walk, a weather-worn doll dressed as an angel tied about halfway up the trunk of a palm tree, animated animal figures, lights covering every shrub in the yard and all over the roof of the house–well, you get the idea. My husband said it deserved two awards, for Candlepower and Clutter. Last year the display was gone, and in a sick sort of way, we missed it.

    By the way,I forwarded “Christmas Massacre” to my daughter in Boston, who responded, “That is a riot, a total riot! I love it!!!! Yes, I would absolutely love to kill the inflatables.”

    You may have started a MOVEMENT here…

  4. Auralie says:

    The most creative (for want of a less polite term)
    I have seen was the porta-potty with an inflated
    life-size Santa emerging. That was last year. I
    have been watching, but haven’t seen it again.

  5. Father Tim says:

    That’s stunning. I’m speechless.

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